Sunday, May 24, 2009

Part 1: Eccentricities of the Male Species

The time has come for me to pen down the eccentricities of the male species. Having been in close contact with them as an attraction object for more than ten years of my life has given me an insight into the Adonis psyche. Or rather a close encounter of the impending doom that will befall all those who come within a 5-mile range of them. The first thing I learned was that this species are just never meant to be understood by anyone except for their own kind and God. They’re akin to one of the mysteries of the universe. If you think the Hanging Gardens of Babylon is mysterious enough, think again! Their existence brings about the biggest conundrum known to womankind. The colossal task of deciphering their coded behavior, their eccentric thoughts and their seemingly callous reactions has perplexed women everywhere. From the time of Eve (notice how Eve was at fault for what happened; I reckon this is because men never bothered to look at the bigger picture, instead it was much simpler to blame Eve for Adam’s fall from Grace) to Cleopatra to Demi Moore! The male species has been triumphant in all of their glory to stump and subject womankind to a state of utter confusion, frustration and ultimately a prolonged case of aggravation and exasperation. Oh and of course I left out the most important word of all, annoyance!

To sum it up (Oh no I am nowhere near done yet with this piece), the male species are bent on making the lives of their opposite sex a living hell. Of course there are some forms of their behavior which will make us feel as though we’re in heaven right here on earth, but those are only meant to confuse thus causing us to make up reasons for them when they behave like idiots. Do you see the underlying pattern? The calculated effort, the methodical planning, the meticulous plotting, the systematic rationalization, the reasoning of their convoluted logic. It is all a highly elaborate scheme meant to generate confusion amongst womankind. And when we’re confused, we create excuses to conceal their transgressions and defend their actions. All in all, they are not the slightest bit stupid. In fact they are very smart. Manipulative, calculative, inventive to a certain extent. And who fuels this condition of theirs? Us. The female species. Why? Because they can literally bring us to our knees with mere words proclaiming love, or with the occasional acts of kindness.

I am not in any way a feminist. I do believe profoundly that men were born to be leaders. It’s just that most of them fail to fit the shoes. I do not hate men. I am just furious, frustrated, exasperated to a point where I feel the only way to numb the pain is by banging my head against the wall. But I’m smarter than that. And I know most of you are too. It’s just that men are so frustrating at times. They are not entirely bad. I have had the good fortune of meeting some wonderful men in my life. However even the great ones are not free from the accusations that I have made above. The greater they are, the more confused we become. In not so many words, men equals to confusion. Even the smartest of us get dumbfounded by our opposite sex. Perhaps we are just never meant to understand them fully. Perhaps they are the eighth wonder of the universe. Countless of books have been written about this. Men writing books about understanding women. Women writing books about understanding men. Let’s face it. You can write till you’re blue in the face and you won’t find an answer. You can read till you’re ready to puke the words out through your nose and you still won’t find an answer. So understand one thing here, I am not writing to make you understand, neither am I writing to make me understand, because I am way past trying to figure them out. You are currently reading this because this is how I vent. If you feel what I am trying to get across here, then I feel sorry for you. If you don’t feel what I’m trying to convey, then I guess a congratulations in order. Perhaps you are one of the select few who have been gifted with the miracle of understanding men.

However, I have come to the realization of one thing. That no matter how foolish or ignorant or arrogant they behave, we emerge the ultimate fool. Because despite being put through hell in our quest to understand them, we still subject ourselves to the mental and emotional torture. Notice how after each fight we tell ourselves that we have had enough, this is the last, and they can go to hell, yet give it a few days (if not a few hours) and we turn to mush and jell-o all over again (like the countless of times before this) and we find a way to ignore the fight, the cause and the arguments we put forth, convinced of course that we are right at the time, and we go running back to them. Either that or we do somehow manage to get out of the relationship and stumble into another one just like the previous one. Makes me wonder if I’ve got a beacon or radar attached to me that only attract men with issues. But then again, 94% of the male species out there have issues. So the odds are pretty obvious. Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Trust me, Mars is way too close and much too normal a planet to be associated with the male species. If you ask me, I would say that they’re from a totally different universe altogether. Even the Klingons are not that weird. Oh well, Scotty, if you’re reading this, beam me up anytime!

Only one statement comes to mind that fits describing the male-female relationship like a glove: Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. An old boyfriend came up with a much better one actually: Can’t live with them, can’t marry monkeys!

Stay tuned for Part 2.

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