Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to use sarcasm. By the way, I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter. With that said, welcome to my lair.
"You must not blame me if I do talk to the clouds."
-
Henry David Thoreau
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Monday, May 25, 2009

Part 2 : Eccentricities of the Male Species

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We are now entering Part 2 of my take on the eccentricities of the male species. In my observation, I have recognized how certain similar things that both men and women do can generate such intensely different end results. All things considered, we really don’t have much of a choice. Either you live with this condition, which I believe is already a general law akin to Galileo’s theory that the earth is indeed not flat or you end up living alone in your old age accompanied by 40 cats, or you become a lesbian. It’s pretty obvious, if you ask me. For as long as men can breathe and eyes can see, the battle of the sexes will never cease to baffle even the smartest of us.

Relationship is like a game. As much as I don’t want to play, somehow I get caught up in the web of its maddening intricacies and end up becoming a player or the one who gets played. I keep telling myself I don’t want to. It’s a ridiculous game. Sometimes it’s amazing how you can see the amazing simplicity of the whole situation, but enter John Doe and voila it’s complications galore! As my saying goes, life is complicated enough without us having to go and make it even more complicated. But no, they seem to love complicating things. Perhaps it’s the challenge that fuels them. Without complications the male species would probably shrivel up and slowly evaporate into thin air! What’s frustrating is that more often than not they do not realize that they are making our lives a living hell. They are absolutely unaware that the challenge and thrill that comes from them complicating things is the reason why most of us feel like banging our heads against the wall half the time.

Did you know that the male symbol of the circle and the arrow (it’s actually supposed to depict the shield and the spear of the Roman God Mars) is also the alchemical symbol for iron? Perhaps that is why they are such a hardheaded species. Keras macam besi. As the old Malay adage goes.

In this second part of my ranting and venting, I shall list several examples that have been noted down from experience. If you identify with any of these, then you have officially been the victim of male eccentricity.

Situation Numero Uno: Phone Calls.

Ever noticed how when you are calling your man and you can’t get through, and you end up leaving more than 10 missed calls on his mobile; you usually get chastised for it? They will say things like, “Call sekali cukup lah, I know lah when to call you back!” However when you reverse the sexes in the same situation, the end result is the exact opposite. Your man is looking for you and leaves 30 missed calls on your phone alongside a few text messages frantically wondering where you are. Do you chastise him for that? Of course not, because stupidly we think it’s sweet that they have been trying so hard to get in touch with us. Little do we know they have somehow sub-consciously gotten to us making it impossible for us to get mad at them for doing the same thing we did.

Find this interesting? Read on.

Situation Numero Due: Arguments

He has done something to piss you off. You rush off to see him determined to give him a piece of your mind. On the way there, you mentally list down all your points that further convinces you that he is definitely in the wrong. You are sure. You are absolutely certain. There’s no way in hell that he can be right this time. You are ultimately sure of this; as sure as 2+2 equals to 4. You get there. You see him. You list down your facts and points of argument. He cuts you off midway (or in some rare cases he lets you finish rambling first) and argues his side in a most convincing way. Hell, OJ Simpson would have hired him on the spot! He is still wrong though, but his argument somehow manages to mess with your ability to uphold your stand and suddenly you start to think to yourself, “Maybe he is right.” Voila! Again he proves to be the manipulative, conniving being he actually is.

Situation Numero Tre: Set in Their Ways
Ever noticed how it’s always okay for men to be set in their ways, but for us women, we always have to be prepared to change? For example, if they don’t like to go to the movies, it’s because they’re set in their ways and God forbid that we try to change that. But if we don’t like to go hardware shopping for example, suddenly we’re not supportive of their interest!

Situation Numero Quattro: Privacy

Now this one really stumps me most of the time. I will never ever be able to understand men’s take on privacy. Digest this: Your mobile rings. You pick it up, answer the call and yak away to your heart’s content. The minute you hang up, you will hear this question, “Who was that?” The same thing happens when you receive a text message. And us, being women, being mushy beings, being the ever soft-hearted species, again find it sweet that they want to know, perhaps we even feel a bit flattered that they are probably jealous as to who’s in contact with us, and we answer the question without much hesitation. Again, reverse the situation and you get a different outcome. Their phone rings. They answer it. Or a text message comes in and they reply. We ask them, “Who was that, sayang?” And the answer you get? “I don’t like my privacy being questioned.” Basically they are subtly saying it’s really none of your business. The same thing applies to what we do when we are not with them, or what they do when they are not with us. They can ask us where we are and we will of course answer without even blinking. But when we ask them, they start to get edgy and say things like, “I’m really not comfortable when you start to question my whereabouts. Some things are private.”

Explanation? Men. The three-letter word is rather self-explanatory.

Situation Numero Cinque: Time-Off

Notice how men are always the ones asking for a time-off? Women hardly do that. At least not the ones I know personally.

Situation Numero Sei: Driving

You are both in a car. You are driving. You get into a fight over something. You get all stressed up. Suddenly, you start to take it out on the road. You drive fast; neglect to signal your turns, perhaps on occasion run a red light. Yes, this behavior is not right. But what I am more interested to point out here is the male reaction to this behavior. Here’s what they will say, “Why are you driving like a mad person? Can’t you keep your emotions in check? Don’t take it out on the road. Bla Bla Bla………..” Again, reverse the situation. You are both in a car. He is driving. You get into a fight. He starts to drive like a madman. You say, “Why are you driving like this? Slow down, for heaven’s sake!” And his reply? “This is my car, I’ll drive however way I want to!”

Situation Numero Sette: The Unfazed Species

Men can also be labeled as The Unfazed Species. The next time you get intensely stressed out after a fight, take a few seconds to look at him. More often than not he is totally unfazed. Maybe they are better at dealing with their emotions but come on, wouldn’t hurt to show some reaction once in a while. Some men may be good with all the other stuff in a relationship like carrying your shopping bags for you, coming to your aid when your car breaks down in the middle of nowhere, nursing you when you’re sick, buying you your favourite food, bla bla bla, but when it comes to the emotional relationshippy stuff, they become totally and completely unfazed.

Again, explanation? Men.

So there, I have listed out 7 situations that further clarifies the fact that the male species are amazingly eccentric. And yet we can’t help but fall in love with them. Aah…the vicious cycle of life. It’s inevitable. Like Mondays will always come after a great weekend. Like you always get hungry a half hour after having Chinese food. Male-female relationship? Inevitable. Pain equals to pleasure.

Can’t live with them. Can’t live without them.

And that concludes Part 2 of the Eccentricities of the Male Species. Stay tuned for more. So long as men can breathe and eyes can see, I will always have something to pen down about the opposite sex.

Sunday, May 24, 2009

Part 1: Eccentricities of the Male Species

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The time has come for me to pen down the eccentricities of the male species. Having been in close contact with them as an attraction object for more than ten years of my life has given me an insight into the Adonis psyche. Or rather a close encounter of the impending doom that will befall all those who come within a 5-mile range of them. The first thing I learned was that this species are just never meant to be understood by anyone except for their own kind and God. They’re akin to one of the mysteries of the universe. If you think the Hanging Gardens of Babylon is mysterious enough, think again! Their existence brings about the biggest conundrum known to womankind. The colossal task of deciphering their coded behavior, their eccentric thoughts and their seemingly callous reactions has perplexed women everywhere. From the time of Eve (notice how Eve was at fault for what happened; I reckon this is because men never bothered to look at the bigger picture, instead it was much simpler to blame Eve for Adam’s fall from Grace) to Cleopatra to Demi Moore! The male species has been triumphant in all of their glory to stump and subject womankind to a state of utter confusion, frustration and ultimately a prolonged case of aggravation and exasperation. Oh and of course I left out the most important word of all, annoyance!

To sum it up (Oh no I am nowhere near done yet with this piece), the male species are bent on making the lives of their opposite sex a living hell. Of course there are some forms of their behavior which will make us feel as though we’re in heaven right here on earth, but those are only meant to confuse thus causing us to make up reasons for them when they behave like idiots. Do you see the underlying pattern? The calculated effort, the methodical planning, the meticulous plotting, the systematic rationalization, the reasoning of their convoluted logic. It is all a highly elaborate scheme meant to generate confusion amongst womankind. And when we’re confused, we create excuses to conceal their transgressions and defend their actions. All in all, they are not the slightest bit stupid. In fact they are very smart. Manipulative, calculative, inventive to a certain extent. And who fuels this condition of theirs? Us. The female species. Why? Because they can literally bring us to our knees with mere words proclaiming love, or with the occasional acts of kindness.

I am not in any way a feminist. I do believe profoundly that men were born to be leaders. It’s just that most of them fail to fit the shoes. I do not hate men. I am just furious, frustrated, exasperated to a point where I feel the only way to numb the pain is by banging my head against the wall. But I’m smarter than that. And I know most of you are too. It’s just that men are so frustrating at times. They are not entirely bad. I have had the good fortune of meeting some wonderful men in my life. However even the great ones are not free from the accusations that I have made above. The greater they are, the more confused we become. In not so many words, men equals to confusion. Even the smartest of us get dumbfounded by our opposite sex. Perhaps we are just never meant to understand them fully. Perhaps they are the eighth wonder of the universe. Countless of books have been written about this. Men writing books about understanding women. Women writing books about understanding men. Let’s face it. You can write till you’re blue in the face and you won’t find an answer. You can read till you’re ready to puke the words out through your nose and you still won’t find an answer. So understand one thing here, I am not writing to make you understand, neither am I writing to make me understand, because I am way past trying to figure them out. You are currently reading this because this is how I vent. If you feel what I am trying to get across here, then I feel sorry for you. If you don’t feel what I’m trying to convey, then I guess a congratulations in order. Perhaps you are one of the select few who have been gifted with the miracle of understanding men.

However, I have come to the realization of one thing. That no matter how foolish or ignorant or arrogant they behave, we emerge the ultimate fool. Because despite being put through hell in our quest to understand them, we still subject ourselves to the mental and emotional torture. Notice how after each fight we tell ourselves that we have had enough, this is the last, and they can go to hell, yet give it a few days (if not a few hours) and we turn to mush and jell-o all over again (like the countless of times before this) and we find a way to ignore the fight, the cause and the arguments we put forth, convinced of course that we are right at the time, and we go running back to them. Either that or we do somehow manage to get out of the relationship and stumble into another one just like the previous one. Makes me wonder if I’ve got a beacon or radar attached to me that only attract men with issues. But then again, 94% of the male species out there have issues. So the odds are pretty obvious. Men are from Mars. Women are from Venus. Trust me, Mars is way too close and much too normal a planet to be associated with the male species. If you ask me, I would say that they’re from a totally different universe altogether. Even the Klingons are not that weird. Oh well, Scotty, if you’re reading this, beam me up anytime!

Only one statement comes to mind that fits describing the male-female relationship like a glove: Can’t live with them, can’t live without them. An old boyfriend came up with a much better one actually: Can’t live with them, can’t marry monkeys!

Stay tuned for Part 2.

Thursday, May 21, 2009

Back to Santi's earthly tomb....

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Reporting live from the Platinum Suites of Cathay Cineplex, The Curve, I am about to watch Angels and Demons again, alone this time. Need to de-stress myself. Too many shit has been going on and I just need to pamper myself for a while. Life is weird. When you give too much you get bitten in the ass, when you give too little, you still get bitten in the ass. Basically there's just no pleasing anyone. When you give too much, they say you're trying too hard, when you give too little, they say you're not trying hard enough. So where do you draw the line?
C'est la vie, they say. Oh well, at this moment in time, I just wanna forget about everything else and give myself a little treat. When it's time to get back to reality, I'll probably just bury my face in my hands, storm in and just power through.
For now, Professor Robert Langdon, here I come!

Thursday, May 14, 2009

From Santi's Earthly Tomb....

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From St. Peter's Square to Raphael's church to Piazza Navona to the Vatican's Archives to the Papal Office. One of the books that turned me into a hardcore Dan Brown fan finally made its way to our shores. As usual I managed to cajole my sweetheart into going to the cinema with me and there we were, me all eager and he was just nonchalant, as he always is.

But as we left the theatre some two hours later, he was in awe. And of course so was I. Ron Howard did not fail to deliver. The movie was almost as good as the book. The Da Vinci Code had its shortcomings, but I still enjoyed it, but Angels and Demons was almost beautifully done.

Initially when Howard announced that Tom Hanks was to play Langdon in The Da Vinci Code, I was kinda sceptical. Tom Hanks did not really fit into the Langdon I already had in mind. But he managed to pull it off. And with Angels and Demons, he proved yet again that he is in fact a great actor.

I did not however agree with the fact that they offered the role of Il Camerlengo to Ewan MacGregor. He looked better suited to play an IRA-bomber, not a Vatican priest.

Other than that, Howard managed to capture the suspense and intrigue with his brilliant directing skills.

Angels and Demons met my expectations and then some. Now I can't wait for them to start filming the other two books. And I'm still wondering when will Dan Brown release the sequel to The Da Vinci Code, which I believe is going to be called Solomon's Key.

Code-breaking is definitely my game!

Wednesday, May 13, 2009

C'est La Crap

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People say that change is inevitable. I say that too. But that doesn’t mean that I have to embrace it. That doesn’t mean I have to like it. Some things are supposed to remain predictable, reliable, and dependable. That’s what keeps sanity intact, that’s what keeps you from being driven off the edge. When the predictable starts to behave like the weather, that’s when you start to lose a little bit of yourself and wish that things would just go back to the way it used to be. Have you ever wondered why is it that when you really expect some things to remain the same, that is when everything starts to go haywire? Just when your life is going all screwy, the few things that you wish would still be that rock isn’t anymore. Like for instance, that shop that used to have those delicious chocolate brownies and has been around since forever suddenly decides to close when you need it the most? I mean come on! Or when all you need is a glass of coke from Mcdonalds when you’re feeling down, and when you get home you realize that the stupid waiter gave you Diet Coke instead? Or a friend who used to be there all the time and you haven’t seen that person in a long time and on the one time you need to meet and just talk, they suddenly cancel? I mean it’s not like I’m asking for a million bucks or for that DeBeers diamond ring! I just want certain things to remain the same! When everything in the world seems to be changing! Music is not what it is anymore. Films aren’t either. I can’t even derive comfort from TV shows like I used to be able to! There are only so many episodes of FRIENDS I can keep on rerunning!

Some people say that change is good. But if you ask me, it’s not all the time good. Sometimes change is just as bad as remaining stagnant. Even my grammar is taking a hit as I’m typing; thank God for the grammar error green lines that keep appearing on Word that is keeping you from reading my mistakes! And I know that when my grammar is going nuts, then my mind is really not in place at the moment. That’s how crappy I’m feeling.

I just want some things to remain the way it used to be. I want my best friend back. The one who decided that she would much rather listen to her boyfriend’s lies than to believe what I say. And now she’s no longer with the boyfriend! But we’re still not friends again. Whatever happened to the good times we shared? Actually to hell with her! If she would much rather believe those lies than to trust me, then I’m better off without her. Ask anyone who is close to me; I would never do anything to hurt them intentionally, much less make up stories behind their backs. If anything I am fiercely loyal to the people I love. So that is one thing that changed that I can’t get back. My closest female friend who decided to bail. But seriously, now that I think about it; to hell with her!

My ex boyfriend was also my best friend. But the day we broke up, we also stopped being best friends. I do not want him back as my boyfriend. I have realized a long time ago that we broke up for a reason and I have totally gotten over him. In fact if I hadn’t broken up with him, I wouldn’t have met the person I am with today. So that is one change that was good. But I wish I could get the best friend in him back.

Perhaps I am asking for too much. Some people say you can’t have it all. You don’t really get all the things you want in life.

Whatever it is, I just wish that some things would simply go back to being predictable, reliable and dependable. What is wrong in wanting these things? They’re pretty basic and mundane if you ask me. I don’t want a ten storey building named after me. I don’t want an island of my own. I don’t want a Lamborghini. I am pretty much contented with what I’m driving right now. Fuel-efficient. Hey, you can’t beat that, can you? So which part of all of these is asking for too much?

I am a simple girl. Complicated at times, but that’s just normal of any woman. But at the heart of it I am really a simple person who wants to be happy and wants some semblance of predictability, reliability and dependability once in a fucking while.

C’est la vie? Yeah right. More like c’est la crap.

Monday, May 11, 2009

Just Another Manic Monday....

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Monday is here again.... the vicious cycle of life.... Had a great interview session on-air with Deanna Yusoff. She's been off the grid for quite some time, to a point that some people are of the impression that she has migrated off somewhere else. But she is still very much in the country. A wonderful lady, if you ask me. Very nice, humble and down-to-earth. The 45-minutes we had on-air went by like a breeze. Now I'm back to slogging for the coming weeks.

It's quite a mellow Monday. Hence I've got the time to blog. Going to Sg. Wang later with Nawar. More later.....

Wednesday, May 6, 2009

Gay Rights?? Me?? No No!

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I am not being a person who discriminates, trust me I'm all for human rights and bla bla bla, but come on when you're talking about gay rights, I just can't find it in me to hop on board. I attended a play last night in KLPAC; Bottom Top by Mark Beau De Silva starring himself and Dato' Faridah Merican.
It centered on the two of them having a conversation about the son's 'different' lifestyle. To me it just isn't logical for a mother and son, regardless of religion to have that conversation in a country like Malaysia. Whatever religion we may be, we still share some of the basic cultures. Homosexuality is just not an open topic. Plus they were kinda getting graphic with their discussion.
Perhaps I'm just being a prude, but that's the way I think and I'll stand by it. I don't approve of homosexuality and I totally did not enjoy the play last night.

Tuesday, May 5, 2009

Take a Number!

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I'm trying very hard to be a constant blogger but I guess I just don't have the discipline. Although constantly I do come across various happenings in my life that I would like to blog about but by the time I get to a PC, I've already forgotten what I wanted to write about. Such is the insignificance of the idiots I encounter that warrants me to make a mental note to bitch about them.
Last weekend was by far one of the most fabulous weekends of my adult life! Had fun dressing up for the Awards and then had a super successful surprise Birthday Party for my sweetheart. Met the perfect 4-year old! She was sooo adorable I had to suppress the urge to pinch her cheeks!
Now the weekend is gone and the working week has started again. Aahhh....the vicious cycle of life....
I don't understand why some Malaysians cannot seem to comprehend the concept of queueing up but I guess that can be attributed to the fact that they are probably medically stupid; that's the only logical explanation.
I am looking forward to the two concerts I'll be attending this weekend. Black Dog Bone and Reunion Orkes Nirwana. Coming from an old soul like moi, of course I would look forward to these bands rather than Linkin Park or some other stupid crap like Hujan or Meet Uncle Hussein.
God knows what some of these people nowadays see in these stupid so-called Indie Bands. I don't mean to sound harsh but it's just not music. And I hate the way they dress when they perform, and their attitudes, my God! Konon macam bagus sangat lah tu. Please lah.... What the hell are they singing about anyway? Half the time I don't understand what they're singing about coz' I think I require subtitles whenever I hear them sing. It's mostly screaming and head-banging and just plain crap. And yet they are thriving these days. Everywhere I go it's Hujan this and Meet Uncle Hussein that, and then there's Bunkface or is it Buttface and Braindead or Brainhead or some other nonsense. Ingat tere sangat lah tu bagi nama band konon lain dari yang lain. Kalau music tu dah hampeh, letak lah nama apa pun. Sorry if I'm stepping on some toes here, but to me it's just not music.
Don't like my comments?? Take a number and see if I give a shit!