Tact is for people who aren't witty enough to use sarcasm. By the way, I'll try to be nicer if you try to be smarter. With that said, welcome to my lair.
"You must not blame me if I do talk to the clouds."
-
Henry David Thoreau
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Tuesday, September 28, 2010

Watching the world go by....

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Sometimes the mind wonders why can't children remain children forever? Instead of growing up and joining the world of adults where nothing is certain and almost everything is twisted beyond comprehension. Wouldn't it be nicer if children are able to stay young forever? Then you wouldn't need photographs to remind yourself of how cute they used to be, or how adorable they used to act. There are times when I wish I was still a child. Living in a world where everything is perfect and nothing can ever go wrong. A world where I don't have to deal with problems, be it financial or career or even matters of the heart. It is a common believe that you have to go through hardship in order to attain that goal. But what is my goal? What is my motivation? Somehow I am not able to see anything more than 2 minutes into my future. What is my silver lining? I used to think I know what it is and what I'm hoping for, but right now, what is hope, even? It is the only medicine for the miserable, so they say. But isn't medicine supposed to make you feel good? My hope is only causing me more and more misery. What is more miserable than hoping? The inability to give up hoping. Wouldn't it be easier if I can just say adios and embark on the next episode? Unfortunately for me, I just can't seem to give up. Perhaps when God made me, He opted not to instill in me the courage to give up. The ability to say that's it I've had enough. But then again, He does know better. Perhaps I can't give up because of that pot of gold waiting for me at the end of the rainbow. If I had the nerve to give up, I'd probably never live to see the pot of gold. Although at this point, the proverbial pot of gold is seeming farther and farther out of reach. It's just a blur right now. A dot if you may. A tiny dot on the far end of the horizon. Almost like a mirage. Everytime I think I've got it, it disappears. And that leaves me frustrated. Time and again. How much more can a person take? The way I see it, I'm like a tourist on planet earth. Just passing through. Observing. Looking at life from the outside. I'm just watching the world go by....

Sunday, September 19, 2010

of hopes and dreams....

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Life is about taking risks. Taking chances. As the famous Wayne Gretzky once said,

"You will always miss 100% of the shots you don't take."

But alas, who am I? To ask of another human being to take a chance on me. All I have is myself. And my heart. And my dreams. 

Who am I to hope that someone else will want to share my dreams, my hopes, my fears and my laughter? For that is all I can offer.

In the words of William Shakespeare,

"The miserable have no other medicine but only Hope."

Thursday, September 16, 2010

Lagenda Budak Setan??

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I did not see this movie when it came out on the big screen. I bought the DVD from Speedy last Saturday night and sat down watching it the very same night. After I finished watching, I regretted not having seen it at the cinema. Not because it was good. But because it would have been a blast to laugh out loud in the cinema and annoy all the other people there who were busy crying their eyes out. I read some reviews online and most people liked it. In fact most of them said they felt sad and shed tears. Thus their general feeling about the movie was that it was good. I would have busted my gut laughing and mocking the movie from start to finish! Now for that reason, I deeply regret for not seeing it at the cinema. There goes another chance to piss strangers off. Anyway, back to the movie.

For one thing, the title was all wrong. According to a friend of mine, the correct spelling is LEGENDA and not LAGENDA. But that would be the fault of the author, so that's fine. My issue is with the movie. And the director. And the dialogues. And the scenes. And the actors. And the shots. And the characters establishment. And pretty much EVERYTHING else. 

If I had to rate this movie, I'd give it a negative 6 kabajillion. Yup, that's how bad it is. 

I wouldn't recommend this movie to my worst enemy.

I don't even want the DVD anywhere in my house anymore. I've already given it away. 

I blew 20 bucks on that movie. On an original DVD. This movie doesn't even deserve the 7 bucks it cost if I had bought a pirated copy. But pirated copy would have been better coz the 7 bucks doesn't go to the people who made this movie. But my 20 bucks has already legally contributed to the production. Now that is something I shall regret for the rest of my life.

I'm not even going to bother listing down every single thing that was wrong with the movie because that would take up precious space on my blog. If I were to write it down on paper, it would become so thick I can use it as weight-lift.

Sharad Sharan. Apparently some big shot director from India who has also worked in Indonesia. For that crap of an end product, an ITM grad could have done the job. Why hire someone from outside? Mr Sharan would have made an excellent DOP. But that's about it. He has no talent at all as a director. I mean come on, look at his track record. Diva???? Tipu Kanan Tipu Kiri???? And yet we still don't learn. 

But what astounds me even more is our own Malaysian audience. The movie grossed in some big bucks. And I presume by that, the director and those involved take this to mean that Legenda Budak Setan was an excellent success. The majority of our malay movie audience obviously still lack the brain matter to discern between what's a good movie and what's a bad movie. All you need to do is put two good looking leads, give them some sob storyline, and voila they think that's a good movie. 

I read a review of Legenda Budak Setan on a website and this could probably be one of the few reviews that actually saw the movie for what it really is - crap. And so many people commented on it and disagreed with the reviewer. I understand that things like this are subjective. But it's different to be subjective towards something that has very little flaws than something that is so flawed I wonder if the director had some brain complications. 

Example: Avatar was a good movie. But I didn't like it. That's because the movie did not suit my taste. Not because the movie was badly made. Legenda Budak Setan on the other hand was terribly made. 

And yet the majority of our audience still defended it.

Here are some of the things I read from the comments on that review I found (and underneath each comment, you can find my own thoughts.)

neela kata: “biase la..setiap filem mmg ade kesilapn..”
yes indeed, keep this attitude up. keep making excuses for our directors. ask this question: how come you can hardly find a flaw in a P.Ramlee movie? 

fairus kata : “Sebab aku tonton bukan untuk mencari kesalahan. enjoy je tgk cerita ni, sedih pun sedih. kuar air mata jgk la aku tgk, ditambah lagi bila wife aku tersedu-sedu.”
I did not watch this movie to find flaws. I was hoping to finally come across a current malay movie I can actually like. I had heard some glorious reviews about this movie, so I decided to see it for myself. So I repeat, just like the reviewer, I too did not watch this movie to find flaws. But THE FLAWS JUST SLAPPED ME IN THE FACE! It was sooooooo bloody hell apparent that it would have taken an idiot to miss it! So mr fairus, excuse us for being smart! And he cried! He cried at this stupid flick that did not deserve one drop of my tear! I didn't even know where to cry! At one point I was already rooting for somebody in the movie to just die! 

khai kata : “Gagal?? rasanya tak kot… cuma jalan cerita jer x sebagus Hollywood yang diagung2kan… cukup membuat penonton menangis dah menyatakan cerita ni mudah dihayati dan difahami…memang anda dtg cuma nak kritik bukan untuk hayati crita yang cuba untuk disampaikan…"
Again, another idiot who thinks that we came looking for flaws. Hellooooo the flaws were soo obvious, that it would have been a crime to miss it! And why must he talk about tak sebagus Hollywood? Who's comparing? Hollywood can't help it if their just better at making movies, although they too are susceptible to some bad flicks once in a while. I agree that cerita ini mudah difahami. It was too mudah that it looked like a movie made for 6 year olds!

Nopy kata: “salah ke pape xde bwk ke mati…huhu..”
Again another idiot who likes to make excuses for our filmmakers. Keep the attitude up. Coz this is the attitude that keeps fattening their bank accounts without having to work hard at all.

zeena kata: "actly, lakonan farid kamil kali nih mmg mnyntuh hati gilerrrr. sedih aaa filem nihhh. nyway… congratz utk filem LBS sbb karya n jln citer lebih baik dr cita ‘jiwang2′ melayu yg pnh aku tonton ada peningkatan. i really like it"
Juding by her spelling, it's no wonder that she actually enjoyed the movie. 

Napi kata: "Rasa untuk movie kira boleh lah tgk nak kata teruk pun tak gak sebab citer novel utk 550 pgs di jadik kan movie 1 setengah jam. Alamatknnya berjanggut ler nak abih. Maybe you jenis suka citer mat saleh kot tu yg datang tgk apa yg tak kena ngan movie cam ni. Rasanya kalau movie mat saleh mungkin lah you rasa sedih ke touching ker sebabnya tgk ah , citer dorang pun mana ada censored nak bercium bagai. Apa2 pun oklah citer ni."
The first book in the Lord of the Rings trilogy, The Fellowship of the Ring is made up 480 pages (on mass paperback) and Peter Jackson managed to turn it into a wonderful movie. He was smart in selecting the scenes, establishing the characters and merging the whole thing together in a brilliant flow. So don't say things like berjanggut lerrrr nak abih and all. Bullshit! Kalau pandai, it can be done. Masalahnya bodoh. And what the hell does cerita mat salleh boleh touching sebab ada scene bercium?!??!?! Cerita P.Ramlee Masam-Masam Manis, ada ka scene bercium between Cikgu Shaari dengan Norkiah?! And yet we can totally feel for the characters, and wanted them to get together in the end. So apa kejadah bullshitnya nak include that stupid remark about cerita mat salleh boleh bercium bagai sebab tu lah boleh rasa sedih?!?!?!? Mentaliti penonton macam ni lah yang akan mematikan industri filem tanahair.

ito kata: "susah2 ekau jo la yg jd pngarahnyo.."
Classic stupid remark. Don't even want to attempt commenting on this one.

All in all, the movie was crap. Legenda Budak Setan as the title boasts, and yet the idiot was a Setan for like 3 minutes of the whole movie! Nice work, Sharad. You should obviously go back film school and learn a thing or two more on character establishment. And Kasyah changed from Budak Setan to Budak Jiwang Karat in the span of 2 seconds. Again, nice work!

As a conclusion, I'm glad at least somebody in the movie died in the end. Made the torture I went through watching the whole thing somewhat worthwhile.

Dreading the sequels, because it would just further affirm the fact that our audience are regressing more and more. Sad state of affairs. 

Note to Directors : Use the tools at your hands to educate, and not be complacent just because the crap you produce are reeling in big bucks.

Note to Audience : Open your eyes. And open your minds. If you don't demand for quality, then that is the end of our film industry. 


Thursday, September 9, 2010

Kurniaan Di Hari Raya - Feminin

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Feminin's Raya song - Kurniaan Di Hari Raya (lyrics by Hang Tuah). Enjoy!




Tuesday, September 7, 2010

Things that make you go Vadaaaaaaa....

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To those of you who have been reading, I believe the time has come for me to introduce you to a word that has been coined by my dear brother. We've been using it for ages and the time has come to let the world in on it. The word in question is VADA.

It essentially means "what-the-f***" or "what-the hell" or rather "you've-got-to-be-kidding-me". It's a more polite way to say those things actually. Kinda like the hand gesture Ross (from Friends) came up with to replace giving the middle finger.

So in this post, I'll be listing down the things that will make you go Vadaaaaaa!


1. ATMs that shut downs soon as the clock strikes midnight. Like seriously? It turns into a pumpkin or something if it doesn't switch off before midnight?!?!
2. Pharmacies that are open, but puts up a sign that says "No Pharmacist On Duty". Come on! Might as well just close up, right?! And why the hell do pharmacists work less hours than other normal human beings??!! There's never one around when you need one! But hey on the bright side, with your headache playing sommersaults in your skull, you can still purchase a bottle of hair color or a bar of soap off the counter!


3. And what about clinics that close on the weekends? Is there some kind of stuff they taught these doctors when they were back in med school that people don't get sick on the weekends?! So yeah, go right ahead and work 9-5 on weekdays! And no, don't tell me I can always go to the hospital! The reason clinics exist are for people like me who hate the sight of hospitals.


4. Now this next one is a chart-topper. Over-zealous parents who create Facebook accounts for their new borns! Doesn't the fact that Facebook has an "above a certain age" clause before you can join trigger something in their little heads that maybe, just maybe, their babies DO NOT need an account just yet?! I mean seriously, what's the point in a signing up a 2-month old baby for Facebook? Starting the kid at a young age on the social networking, no holds barred world of privacy-less life on the world wide web? And post up naked pictures of their baby and think that it's cute?! Wait till the kid grows up and resents you for that!


5. How about this one? Measuring life by the number of branded handbags you have?! Hmm okay, now I have 300 Guccis and 4500 Pradas and 67 Christian Diors, oooh my life is so complete! Come on! And I am in no way jealous of those who have those handbags, wanna know why?! Coz I bought a Christian Dior in Petaling Street once for 80 bucks, and 4 out of 5 people who saw it actually thought it was an original! So there, no I don't get jealous if you blow 4000 bucks on one friggin' handbag! Too bad for those designer brands, I'm a smart cat! And by the way, if I do have enough money one day to actually blow it on those bags, it's because I just want to. Not because I feel like I've achieved something by purchasing those overpriced nonsense.
6. And this one just irks me to no end. Married ladies who are over 40, yet behave like they're 17! With their cleavages hanging out, short skirts riding up, and holding a cigarette in hand while the husbands sit next to them looking like a complete tool! Grow up, already!


7. Panty lines. Major fashion faux-pas. Major vadaaaa moment. If you wanna wear a tight skirt, or a tight white pants, please have the decency to put on a thong


8. People who are big wearing clothes that are 5 sizes smaller than their actual size! I have nothing against big people. I mean look at Adibah Noor. She's big, but she knows how to dress. You don't see bits and pieces of her hanging out all over the place. So come on, either you lose weight, or embrace your size and dress appropriately. Nobody enjoys the sight of a muffin top cropping up on your jeans, and you would expect their shirts to be long enough to cover up the muffin top but noooooooooooo the shirt seems to hang just somewhere in the middle of their tummy. Not sexy, people, not sexy!


9. This next one doesn't just make me go vadaaaa, but also makes me want to puke. Those who wear short shirts and low cut jeans and when they sit down, they love leaning forward and leaving their cracks peeping out for all the world to see! Seriously, please, people, pull up those pants!


10. Lady Gaga. Need I say more?!

Songs You Should Never Play At A Wedding....

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Have you ever been to a wedding; as you enjoy the romantic ambience, how the bride and groom look so happy together, when suddenly the band starts playing songs which shouldn't be allowed anywhere within a 5km radius of a wedding ceremony??

Listed below are a list of songs that should NEVER, and I repeat NEVER, be played during a wedding:

1. My Way - Frank Sinatra
Now this one is a definite favourite during weddings. Out of 10 weddings I attend, at least 7 will play this one without fail. Why, I will never know. I have nothing against this song, I love it, it's also a classic karaoke favourite, but a wedding is the last place people should play this! I mean seriously, "And now, the end is near, and so I face the final curtain, my friends I'll say it clear, I'll state the case of which I'm certain, I've lived a life that's full, I travelled each and every highway, but more much more than this, I did it MY WAY!" For real now?! If the groom did it his way, he would never get married. And the end is near?!? Yeah, if the couple believes that their wedding is the end of the road! So people, don't just pick songs because they're popular, take a look at the lyrics when you're putting together the playlist, for crying out loud!

2. Superwoman - Karyn White
Now this one just astounds me. I attended a wedding once and they actually played this! I'm sure the bride and groom did not have a say in their playlist coz' they're one of my closest friends, and they are absolutely in love. So another word of advice, DO NOT leave it to the band to pick your songs. This is what happens when you let them go nuts with their music selection. Superwoman is possibly even more inappropriate than My Way for a wedding! "Now you say the juice is sour when it used to be so sweet, And I can't help but to wonder if you're talking about me, We don't talk the way we used to talk, it's hurting so deep, I've got my pride, I will not cry, but it's making me weak....I'm NOT your superwoman...." Now you can play this at your 20th wedding anniversary! Just not on your WEDDING DAY!

3. Please Release Me - Engelbert Humperdinck
This just goes without saying. I know that it is an extremely popular oldie and no wedding is complete without at least one song from the great Engelbert. But just don't let it be this song! "Please release me, let me go, for I don't love you anymore...." Seriously?!?! It's your wedding day, for heaven's sake, and you're already asking to be released?!?!

4. Yesterday - The Beatles
Another major hit classic. Who doesn't like the Beatles? (I don't actually, but I know most of you out there do.) But "Yesterday, all my troubles seem so far away, now it looks as though they're here to stay, Oh I believe in yesterday...."?!?!?! Nice to know how you people feel about your wedding day! So please, do not wreck your romantic atmosphere with this song. Keep it to when you're going out for a karaoke session with your mates, but do not let the band spin this number as you've just exchanged vows to spend the rest of your lives together! 

5. On Bended Knees - Boyz II Men
Now who doesn't like a little hot r&b during their wedding? The smoky, sultry harmonization. The beautiful voices and the sexy beats. But not this one! Just because the title says On Bended Knees, it is not referring to a guy going on bended knees proposing happily to the women he loves! He's on bended knees, begging for her to come back to him! So do not be deceived by the title of a song! Spend some time and read the lyrics! This is a definite no-no for a wedding. "Can we go back to the days our love was strong, can you tell me how a perfect love goes wrong, can somebody tell me how to get things back to the way they used to be, Oh God give me a reason, I'm down ON BENDED KNEES!" Doesn't sound very wedding-y anymore, does it?! There are so many other beautiful r&b songs out there you can choose from. Stay away from this one like the plague! You already have each other, for pete's sake! What do you want to go back to?? The days when you were begging for her to go out with you?!? Or the days when you were trying to make him see that getting married would actually be a good thing?! In the words of Ali Nadeem, oh blimey!

6. Rose Garden - Lynn Anderson
A lot of people like to play oldies at a wedding. I like that too, in fact my own wedding someday will be filled with a whole bunch of lovely romantic oldies. But as I've so adamantly stated from the beginning of this post, PAY ATTENTION TO THE LYRICS FIRST BEFORE YOU DUMP IT INTO YOUR WEDDING PLAYLIST! How is this song befitting for a wedding?! "I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden, Along with the sunshine, there's gotta be a little rain sometime, When you take you gotta give, so live and let live, or LET GO, I beg your pardon, I never promised you a rose garden." Sounds like a disclaimer, if you ask me! Dude is safeguarding himself before his wife starts to ask for things he can't give! Come on! Keep that for after the wedding, or shouldn't that be something you settled before deciding to take the big leap?!?! Weddings should give off a romantic illusion, don't wreck it with this number!

7. Bad Moon Rising - CCR
I understand that you rock lovers out there would want to infuse your wedding with that part of your personality. But please not this one! Of all the rock songs, just not this one! Play something from Nirvana or Dio or Guns N Roses for that matter, coz' with those rock groups, you hardly know what they're singing most of the time anyway. So whatever the lyrics are saying, you're safe. But not Bad Moon Rising! "Don't go out tonight, it's bound TO TAKE YOUR LIFE, there's a bad moon on the rise...." Do I have to explain it any further?!

8. How Can I Tell Her - Lobo
When I hear this at a wedding, I just surrender in desperation. Even my Dad loves this song! I wonder how my mom seems to be okay with that! But anyway, again, karaoke session with your mates, fine! Just not at your wedding dudes! Yup, again the title sounds deceiving. Sounds like he's trying to say how can i tell her how much I love her. bla bla bla. BUT NOOOOO! "How can I tell her about you? Girl please tell me what to do? Everything seems right whenever I'm with you, so girl won't you tell me, how to tell her about you...." He's trying to find out a way to tell the woman he's with that he's got another girl on the side! Perfect. Introduce your bride to your meandering ways on your wedding day itself! Keep it for later, for goodness' sake! Just try to keep the romantic illusion for that few hours!

9. Ain't No Way - Helen Reddy
Now who can resist the beautiful vocal of Helen Reddy? She's got so many other beautiful classics, but somehow, this one makes the cut onto your wedding playlist! "That ain't no way to treat a lady no way to treat your baby, your woman, your friend, That ain't no way to treat a lady no way, but maybe it's a way for us to END." Nice. You've been married for a few hours, and already you're looking to end it?!

10. I've Never Been To Me - Charlene
Yo ladies. You wanna play this at your hen night, go right ahead! You wanna belt it out at your hen night, again go right ahead. But at your wedding?! In front of your newly-wedded husband?! A bigger no-no than My Way, Please Release Me, and all the other no-no songs put together! "Oh, I've been to Georgia and California and anywhere I could run, I took the hand of a preacher man and we made love in the sun, But I ran out of places and friendly faces because I had to be free, I've been to paradise but I've never been to me...." Way to go, confession at the very start. I know how they say honesty is the best policy, but try to make your confessions before you rope the guy in with a wedding band around his neck!

11. Torn Between Two Lovers - Mary MacGregor
And to wrap up this list, there's no other song better than this one. "There's been another man that I've needed and I've loved, But that doesn't mean I love you less, And he knows he can't possess me, and he knows he never will, There's just this empty place inside of me that only he can fill, Torn between two lovers, feeling like a fool, Loving both of you is breaking all the rules...." Yeah you're a fool alright! 'Nuff said!

People don't realize how important the songs you play at your wedding are. Sure you don't really take those lyrics to heart, but it just doesn't go! Doesn't set a romantic mood at all! Far from it, as a matter of fact.

Monday, September 6, 2010

of low levels of the dark pigment eumelanin....

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As promised in my sneak preview, here is my two cents' worth on a certain species. The hair color used to signify that those with that particular hair color were specifically stupid. However we have evolved. Those who are blondes are not necessarily stupid anymore. We have the late Lady Diana, we have Ellen Degeneres, Katherine Heigl, Martha Stewart (although this one is rather subjected to differing opinions), and the list goes on.

But it's amazing how dumb blondes have now evolved to those who do not even have that hair color.

I have nothing against people with blonde hair color, I just have something against those who are dumb yet insist in thinking that they are actually smart. I am in no way implying that I am all that smart (I succumb to the occasional blonde moments, but don't we all?!).

I had the opportunity to come across certain specimens of said species. And all I can say is that may they prosper in their own little ignorant shells. I probably shouldn't be hitting out at them so much seeing as to their limited brain cells capacity in comprehending logic and reason. So all I can say is, Those of you who think you know everything are annoying those of us who do.