At some point in our lives some of us do feel the pulling need to be philosophical. To ponder over the meaning of life. Or to wonder where it's heading. Or in my case at the moment, the effect of 2 migraine pills I downed earlier is rendering me sleepless with a touch of nausea and the inane need to paint the town red. At 3 am. Yes indeed. But then again it could also be the fact that I'm overdosing myself with episodes of Frasier. Too much psycho babble pouring out of my tv screen is making me deliberate on who sounds more ridiculous, Freud or Jung. It has been awhile since I've carried on aimlessly on this site. Usually my anger has a specific target. If you recall, the previous object of my rage was a Malay movie called Ombak Rindu. To be fair I am still pissed at that. I've just been able to minimize the need to break something everytime I hear that title. The sound of glass shattering at the peak of one's anger does bring about a sense of calmness. Frasier is an example of good tv though. But that's another story. Back to being pointlessly philosophical at 3am, I have been thinking a lot of leaving the 18 to 30 age group lately. I realize that a lot of doors will be closed to me once March 24th comes a-knockin'. I shall no longer qualify to audition for tv singing competitions. Most of these shows have an age cut off of 30. Not that I ever tried to audition or harbour any intentions of doing so. But at least I still can. Just the knowledge that I can still do it if I wanted to provides another sense of calmness. However come March 24th this year, that door will be sealed beyond breaking. The big 3-0 is nothing compared to the big 3-1. Trust me, turning 30 was not that big of a deal. I flipped out for all of 5 seconds and then I realized that I didn't really feel all that different. But now, 2 months away from the big 3-1 and I can't quite shake off the feeling of dread, despair and wondering if I'm going to turn into a decrepit. Exaggerating yes, I know. But that's how I feel. My knees hurt, my back hurts, I can't even get up without groaning. But the physical ailments are not what's worrying me the most. I've been having back pains for years now, perhaps that is more reflective of how much Coke I down. Again, that's another story. I have also come to the realization that I am no longer a good listener. No I don't need a hearing aid, but my proverbial ear is no longer as receptive as it used to be. And that's another story for another time. As for now, I think I should wait out the nausea while Frasier goes into another argument with Daphne, and then get some sleep. Too much pondering at this hour will only result in me rambling on until I hit something I'm angry at, and that would result in something else breaking in this house. I don't think that's wise. It would only be a matter of time before I'm pissed off enough to hurl my laptop across the room. No doubt I've felt like doing that on many occasions. Sanity prevented it though. Whatever's left of it, at least. If you're concerned, no I'm not crazy. Just a tad bit eccentric. And filled with incessant rage. What do you expect? For as long as there are idiots on the road, and freaks who cut queues, and morons who double park, there will always be the sound of something shattering to bits in my apartment.